The Winter Slump: What happens when you get what you want (time off).

Its December, and we've officially entered "the winter slump."
Many of you that are familiar with this, know it can start anywhere from mid November to mid December, and can last anywhere till end of January to as long as early March.
(In 2015, our slump lasted until April. Fucking APRIL!!! Right as being house-poor from just having bought our first house in November, and then getting pregnant in December. LOL Yeah... I can laugh about it now.......)
The slump; when work slows down to a bitter halt... unless your roadie has chosen to say "fuck the holidays," and tours through it with someone like Trans Siberian Orchestra or some rapper/R&B artist.
Its the time of year when you're face to face with each other, for better or worse, all day and all night. When they discover the true inner workings of their household, the routines they throw off when they leave, how things operate, and just how much stuff we actually buy. *cue Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho" shower music*

The best part of the slump is that it starts at the apex of Christmas shopping. So they've just been paid for the last gig of the year. You pay bills, and you're left with the optimism that you have "just a couple" more presents to buy and then the spending will be over. Then things can, "calm down." You both give each other that reassuring nudge as you uncork the bottle of wine and go on about how excited you both are that your roadie's finally home for the holidays.
Cut to- 3 weeks later when you're one Walmart trip away from your roadie's head exploding, and you've still got family coming to stay with you for a week and a half and the giant Christmas dinner you're both responsible for putting on. Sprinkle in a 2 year old that's refused naps 4 days in a row and you've got the "Happy Holidays"everyone's wishing you- Can I tell you about my day?!? lol

The worst part about the slump is that its the ultimate test for your roadie's self confidence and self esteem. He knows he goes through this every year. That the start of the year is award show season, so all of the artists are enjoying the last of their time off before they start rehearsals and kick off tours. But for the roadie it's, "Why isn't my phone ringing?" "Why don't I have anything confirmed?" "Did I piss someone off and that's why no one's calling me?" "Why did so-and-so get the call for "blank" gig but they didn't call me?!" "Who did I piss off???"
When what you want to say is, "Well right now, you're pissing me off. Let it go. You go through this EVERY. YEAR. You freak out and then a day later, you get an email or a phone call and everything changes. This is the universe testing you. You've been asking for time off, now you have it. Quit stressing yourself out and enjoy the time off that you work so hard for!"
But how many times can you remind him of all of those things before he calls your bullshit for repeating yourself for the last 2 months?

It's scary. When the financial burden of your household rides on your shoulders, I imagine its terrifying. You're going to have a lot of those days where the atmosphere in your house is thick, heavy, and suffocating. He's going to mentally be spinning his wheels and its our responsibility to help in any way we can (otherwise we're gonna be miserable too because bad moods rub off).
And not by asking, "What's wrong?" "Are you ok?" all the time. Something I'm 100% guilty of, myself.

Whatever you do, when finances are tight, DO NOT talk about it with people, ESPECIALLY in front of your bread winner. Nothing is more hurtful to a man than broadcasting to the world (yes, even your family/mother/best friend counts as "the world") that money's tight. He leaves his home and family to provide. He already feels like he's at an unfair advantage because outsiders feel they can talk about "so-and-so who leaves their family to go on the road and chase their rockstar dreams," when we both know that's far from the truth.
Don't clip coupons (unless its something you already do), don't start making a point to bring up in conversation all of the "free" or "cheap" things you guys can do that will save you money. Just be supportive and make smart financial decisions. Any word or hint you make, will affect him. Even any word you don't say, will still affect him, because its all he's thinking about. I know, it sounds like I'm telling you to walk on eggshells regarding the subject. But what I'm really asking, is for us to stay MINDFUL.

The best advice I can give is for us not to take it personally. If you didn't do anything (you can recall) that pissed him off, his rain cloudy mood has nothing to do with you.
Get them outside. That's huge. But not around too many people. That's also huge. lol The reason being that when you're in a shitty mood, the last thing you want is to be around other people because it attracts idiots, and being surrounded by morons never improves a sour mood.
Remind them to be present in the moment. If you have little kids, get them to get down and interacting in their children's world. If you have teenagers, good fucking luck to you. Maybe have a date night and take pleasure in making them fend for themselves for dinner?
Whatever you do, try and channel that energy into something that's going to get a positive outcome. The gym, a bike ride, go out and walk the dog together and talk about your neighbors. Getting them out of the house is the key because we all know that the home can be a sanctuary, but also a soul sucker. Hell- you really want to earn some points, give him a blow job! It'll yank him out of his mood AND he'll go on knowing he's indebted to you (at least for a little while).

Happy Winter Slumpidays!!!

Hang in there, ladies!

Living with one foot out the door

I wrote this under a different blog earlier this year, but this is where it belongs. Enjoy-



Welcome compadres!
Let's jump right in.

Living the roadie life is a lot like trying to have your cake and eating it too. (I've always hated that saying because I never understood the idea of having cake if you couldn't eat it, but I suppose that's the point ultimately... anyway- now cake sounds good, damn.)
You're always trying to take every job that comes your way (as the roadie) because being self-employed is feast or famine, and you're always trying to do everything you can to have as much time home with family as possible too. In a perfect world, that would be easy. But Bernie Sanders isn't president, so this obviously isn't a perfect world.

We're always searching and waiting for what seems like the right answer so we can find a way to strike that unattainable balance. Taking smaller tour's means not being away from home for such long periods of time, but it also means smaller invoices and more searching for consistent work to fill those holes. Longer tours are great job security, but they wreak havoc on family relationships. So then the question becomes, "To tour, or not to tour... and still, where will I find the work?"

People often ask me why we moved up to the Pacific Northwest if we don't have any friends or family up here, and I can't help but chuckle because its complicated for people living this life, and there isn't one simple answer that sums it all up.
Most tours seem to stop in town with a day off, which usually meant a small break up in tour runs. A great airport that meant less connecting flights and more opportunity for jobs verses in a small town, where flights were substantially more expensive. Clean air and water, a bigger city with stuff to do, getting on the property ladder where we'd have a smart investment opportunity, blah, blah, blah.
And then we got pregnant a month after moving here. HA! Expect the unexpected.

Cut to 2 years later, and we're still trying to strike that balance.
Luckily, the roadie's had the opportunity to work more consistently with one company in particular. So the rock n' roll touring has been less this last year, compared to the passed 7 (years) we've been used to; still doing the same job, but now in the corporate avenue of the industry. Shorter periods away from home so our 1yr old doesn't have to be without his daddy as much, the mama doesn't have to survive the thunder-dome with the toddler for extended bouts, and still working enough to make ends meat. The downside's are that he comes and goes a lot more, putting all our eggs in one basket means depending on one entity for job security, paying a lot more in taxes sucks, and being far away from family and friends is becoming a lot more difficult than I bargained for.

So we take it one day at a time. Every day, we toss around a new "solution."
"Let's move to Vegas; then I can be home almost every night with you guys. I'd go on gig's- but a lot of them seem to be happening in Vegas that we've noticed, so I'd be home a lot more and could work in the shop when its slow." Which to me, means that he'll travel for work still and will also be working when he's home too- on top of living on the surface of the sun.
"They're eventually opening a shop in Chicago, so you never know... I could be a project manager and be home every night. I'd still go out on gig's 'sometimes' but at least I'd be home more consistently, right?" But what I'm hearing is that the shop would be an hour outside of Chicago, and so would we... and that also moves us further away from everyone, so we'd still be without a tribe.
"Let's just move to Canada then. That's where they're based and I could work in the shop and get off the road entirely. We'd have healthcare and this country's circling the toilet anyway, so...?" Me: "Let's do it!" Get's online to check out the Canadian immigration process, then thinks about the whole ordeal with trying to get 2 large dogs and 1 bitchy cat across the boarder, changing banks and currency, ooh- something shiny... brain redirects to Facebook news feed, 10min. later, "What was I looking for again...?"

So here, we stay. Our home as the solution, but always trying to remain open in case an opportunity presents itself. Always living one foot out the door.

The Resurrection: I thought I deleted this forever! *cue horror movie scream*

Well, well, well..... Look who's back and finally got her shit figured out?!
I (many, moons and years ago) made the rash female decision to attempt to delete this blog in my angst of feeling like no one was hearing me. I thought it was a success, until I started to get a couple of notifications of comments from relatable viewing eyes in my email.
It took me a long time of figuring it all out but I'm IN now. We're back, and holy fuck- a lot has changed, you guys!

The best news?? The roadie and I are still married!!! Quite a success when you're looking at today's statistics, especially considering the career field we're in. (No judgment to anyone who gave it their best and it didn't work out. Life happens.) And... we made a human! He's 2 now, and makes for one hell of a dictator. AND..... we moved out of state and away from everyone we know and love!!! What?! I know, I'll explain more later.


As you can tell, I've got a lot to share. Next year, we'll be 10 years married. We've gone through the 5 year plans, the 7 year itch, the family drama so bad you chose distance, the freelance touring, the hopeful emails and empty promises, the first-time home buying process, and currently we're awaiting word if he got the salary position he's been working for.
We've grown up... a lot. And we're continuing to grow. So far we're a house, 1 toddler, 2 dogs and an asshole cat deep in this life. Some days, I feel like I'm keeping my pace.
But most days I feel like I'm loosing my mind, with that constant feeling of fumbling for your keys to unlock the door while your arms are full with grocery bags that are slowly tearing open.

So rejoin me, as we get back on the horse and journey together. Because being the supporter of someone else's dream is more work than we anticipate, and we need each other's support.