The Green Eye'd Monster

I'd like to kick us off on our 1st topic of discussion: The Green Eye'd Monster

          Now, I've never been the jealous type. I try to be very self-aware of my feelings so that I don't project them on to other people or situations, that they have nothing to do with. I'd like to think I've been pretty good about giving space and not getting worked up by over analyzing things that are out of my control. However, I've noticed that nasty taste of jealousy in my mouth from time to time, and if you don't get a handle on it, it will ruin your life (not to mention your relationship).
I will say that I am very fortunate. My husband is loyal, trustworthy... and a horrible liar. He thinks groupies have no self-respect and has always been very open about what goes on in his day to day on the road. (Thank God this isn't the 80's and he's not out with Van Halen! If you don't know the tale of how they got they're load-out to record breaking time, it may be for the best.) Its usually pretty harmless, but who's to say what the next tour may bring...? Luckily, times have changed a bit and it seems to be less drugs and sex, and more nights of movies, video games, beer and testosterone bitchiness. Which oddly enough, can still make a person feel jealous!?

As women; when we have a problem with our mate, a lot of times we'll internalize it so we don't come off any more "naggy" than we seem. Leaving us to pick it a part in our heads and mentally have the conversation and fight, without you even knowing it. It already happened in our minds, so when we snap at you over something so random and minuscule, its because you've already fucked up without you even having to open your mouth! And with them being gone, this scenario is amplified. Is is right? Of course not!? But its about as natural for us, as re-adjusting your nuts is for you! But this is why they're with us in the first place, isn't it? Because we "feel" enough for the both of us and are hard-wired to naturally be the emotional caretakers.

So if our fears of Jack Daniels induced orgies are calmed and we know there aren't brief cases of cocaine being passed around, why do we still get jealous? Because the phone calls tend to become shorter and shorter, life on the road is the same day in and day out and life at home doesn't usually change much either. Shit gets mundane and it frustrates us that we don't have anything new and exciting to share with the one we miss most. All we can do is be aware of what triggers our emotions and make a conscious effort to not let them take hold of us.

With that in mind, here are a few of MY triggers: There are times my husband calls and it seems like he's having a conversation with everyone else around him and I can't figure out what pertains to me. Then I'll get an "Are you listening?" To what, the 3 other jack-wagons next to you you're laughing at?! (This makes me crazy.)
Every once in a while, they'll get a day off and they're livin' la vida loca. Frolicking on the beach for the day, followed by a nice big meal out and day drinking at the nearest bar. I know that those guys bust their asses on show days and they're only trying to make the best of their time off on tour stops to make life enjoyable. But when it feels like your spouse is doing more activities with the boys on the road than he has with you in the last 2 years being home, its going to stir a "rumbling in the jungle."
Finally, a little story about my recently slightly bruised ego. If you're in the band, you will usually get the  luxury/option to bring your spouse on the road with you. And as we all have birthdays, sometimes they fall while on tour. Recently, the boys on the crew pitched in and ordered a big bouquet of flowers for the singers wife, surprised her with them and sang her happy birthday. There is nothing about this that bothers me one bit. How thoughtful of the guys to take the initiative and make someone's birthday special!? However, my own selfish mentality slowly crept in and took over any positive feelings I had and I once again, got that taste in my mouth. In the 4 years we've been together, we've never spent a single birthday of mine together and he's bought me flowers a whopping total of 2 times. Does this upset me? No, I understand that this industry doesn't care about holidays, birthdays or anniversaries. But it ended up getting the best of me anyway, and that's no one's problem but my own.

The only thing we can do is be aware and not only think about our feelings, but try to understand what our mates are going through as well. It might seem like an on-going party at first, but when you're with the same testosterone filled bunch day in and day out, tempers are bound to flare and ego's will swell, sometimes to a point where things get confrontational. We have to stay positive and remember that even our vision gets clouded, and that life on the road isn't always what it seems. Its our job to be supportive, to talk them off the ledge when they get worked up, be the voice of reason when they get tunnel vision, to be positive, compassionate and show them love when they're hearts become tender and need it most. Because wether we realize it or not, they miss us just as much if not more than we miss them, and they sure as hell aren't going to get any of that from living around a bunch of dudes in bunk-beds !


Tip #2: Learn to be patient and to pick your battles. It only makes your life harder if every conversation ends in a fight because you can't manage to let the little things roll off your back. Don't sweat the small stuff.

"So... what's your story, kid?"

Behind every great band, there is a great crew. And behind every great (married) roadie, there is a great wife. And I mean a great wife...

           My name is Kara and I'm a makeup artist living in the fishbowl of Los Angeles, married to my lighting designer husband. I wanted to put my voice out into the universe and be an open hand (and ear) to anyone who might be on a similar adventure as I am. The life of being married to a touring roadie. Some people try to compare it to being an army wife, but the only similarity is that you're husbands gone. Touring in the music industry is a completely different beast.
I'd like to let you in on our story so you can get to know me a little bit.
I am in my mid 20's and am originally from the central valley of California. I come from a lower middle class family with good morals and respect for other people. I have an older brother, 2 awesome parents and couldn't ask for better "family in-laws."
After I graduated high school, I decided to go to massage therapy school instead of college. I've never been the type to be able to sit behind a desk or work a normal 8-5pm, Monday-Friday job. I've always danced to the beat of my own drum and been influenced by the arts. After massage therapy school, I wanted to get out. I needed a way to travel and have an experience and since I was broke, cruise ships became the answer. I worked for Steiner Leisure. A London based company that places staff in the day spas on all of the ships on the seas. I ended up getting placed on a Royal Caribbean ship, Explorer of the seas, and had the time of my life. Eventually, I quit the spa job and decided that cruise staff was the position I wanted to do. So I went back out and met my Irish husband, working on the Radiance of the seas. He was programming, designing and running lights for all of the shows and guest performers that would come onboard and perform. We both were into tattoo's and rock and roll. It was love.
Since then, he moved over from Ireland, we got married and after struggle after struggle, we finally made the "big move" to LA to work in the business. This month, we've been married 3 years (with kids on the distant horizon).

Since my other half is from a European country, he had a hard time adjusting at first to things here. The work ethic and mind-set is very different here. We work long hours and now that we have cell phones, we're constantly on stand by. Not to mention, we have selfish tendencies; a lot of people will step on anyone to further themselves and their career. He's worked for a couple of different companies and has busted his ass for the last 10 years, carving out his place in this industry.  I've never seen someone so loyal and dedicated to their craft as I have my husband. Not only is he a great lighting designer, but he can program, tech, rig, draw plots, knows video, sound, electricity, and can beat any load-in/load-out time record. Last August, he went out on his first tour in the states working for a lighting and video company. It was only supposed to last 6-8 weeks, and ended up lasting 3 1/2 months. Since then, he's come home and the talk of working freelance has begun.



So I write, as I start my journey as a roadie wife. You'll read tales of drunken 1am phone calls, never-ending boy's nights, random tattoo's and (the dreaded) strip-club conversation. All of this, while holding down the fort on the home front and trying to carve out my own niche in this town.

Today, he's in Huston, TX on tour with Coheed & Cambria. He's been gone for 1 week and has 5 more to go, before their last show here in LA, at the Nokia theater.
Today, I am going to carve out my personal watermelon and make jungle juice, for a party of 1.


Tip #1: Get to know your nearest liquor store owner. Asking if he has a frequent flyer program is not a bad idea either.